


that poor man, they're going to eat him alive

by sabinelagrande



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Ambush Threesome, F/M, Jossed, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Multi, No Mercy Percy, Snowballing, Threesome - F/M/M, Vex's Tinkerer Kink, Virgin Taryon, Virginity Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 07:59:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: Vex has a problem with Taryon, and Percy has a wonderful solution.





	

After Percy, Tary learns Vex's name first. Granted, he spends two days referring to her only as "Baroness", which is flattering but intellectually lazy, but he does eventually get it together. Vex does wonder if it's only because she's close to Percy, because Percy and Tary are immediately thick as thieves. The two of them chatter to each other about their respective inventions, books they've read, places they've visited, generally nerding all over each other. Vex thinks it's kind of sweet, once she starts to adjust to Tary's personality, innocently delighted one minute and brashly egotistical the next.

When she does, that's when all the trouble starts.

They're still sailing when Vex starts to develop a real problem with Tary; it is wholly unlike the problem she was expecting to have. It's just that she spends a lot of time around Percy, whose brain is very sexy, and surely she can't be blamed for having a reaction when there's another person who's eerily like him wandering around. 

None of this is helped by the fact that, conventionally speaking, Tary is enormously attractive. Vex found this mostly annoying at the beginning, because good looks should not be wasted on obnoxious people; now that her opinion on him has changed, it's harder for her to ignore. So basically, she has another hot tinkerer walking around, and a serious problem with it.

In her pants.

She feels horribly guilty about it, because the original hot tinkerer sleeps next to her every night, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore. They're on their way back from the Water Ashari when Vex finally breaks down and talks to Percy about it.

"You know that I love you, don't you?" she asks, as she stands in their room, watching him get ready for bed. "I don't think it's been a secret for some time now."

"And you must know that I feel the same way," Percy says, with a soft smile on his face.

It gives her a warm feeling just hearing that, which is unfortunate given the situation. "So it's hard for me to-" she says, pressing on anyway. "What I'm trying to say is-" She sighs in frustration. "Look, I don't know why I'm hot for Tary, maybe just because he's so much like you and I have a type, whatever, the point is that I am and I don't know what to do about it."

"Really," he says, sounding intrigued, which is not the response Vex expected.

"You're not mad?" she says cautiously.

He takes her hand, kissing her knuckles. "I am not at all troubled by the prospect of you being attracted to other people," he says. "In this specific case, I might have an idea."

"Which is?" Vex asks. 

"Let's corrupt him," Percy says, with a wide grin. "I'll bet he's a virgin. Think of all the fun we could have."

"Percival," she says, shocked. "I don't think I've ever seen this side of you."

"You believe that I am ultimately good at heart, and I try every day to prove you right," he says, holding her hand to his chest. "But there is a lot around that heart that is just awful."

"I mean," Vex says slowly, wheels turning. "If we _were_ going to, do you think we could do it?"

"We're very attractive, and he doesn't know it's coming," he says. "When I was his- well, he's older than I am, but when I was a poor lonely nerd, I'd have jumped at the chance."

"You're still a nerd," Vex says.

"And still delighted I got a chance with you," he replies. "He's feeling very vulnerable. Maybe he needs some affection."

She raises an eyebrow. "Are we going to show him affection, or are we going to fuck him?"

"I think we can fuck him affectionately," Percy says. "I'm not proposing to do anything cruel to him. I just think it would be fun to jump him and see what he does."

"Now that sounds like you," she says. She pushes him onto the mattress, climbing into bed after him. "Maybe we should make some plans."

They do indeed make plans, and other things beside, and they've almost reached Emon before those plans go into action. There's a dining area in the ship, adjacent to the galley, and it quickly becomes the point of congregation when they're not fighting off pirates and sea monsters. On this particular night, everyone leaves fairly quickly, leaving just Percy, Vex, and Tary.

Vex gives Percy a wink, then climbs into his lap.

"How are you enjoying yourself?" Vex asks Tary, putting her arms around Percy's neck.

Tary looks a little thrown. "Uh, well," he says. "It's been a great adventure, other than those times I almost drowned."

"Those were rather regrettable," Percy says. "But in fairness, most of us almost drowned."

"In hindsight, I should have expected it," Tary says.

Vex props her feet up in Tary's lap, and Tary looks down at them, seeming confused. "We just want to make sure you're having a good time," she tells him. "We wouldn't want you to feel unfulfilled during your voyage."

"It certainly hasn't been boring," Tary says, and Vex can see very clearly the way he's looking at both of them.

"We're happy to keep you entertained," Percy says, putting his arm around Vex's waist. "Just say the word."

"If I feel like I need entertainment, I'll let you know," Tary says, but he keeps looking back and forth between Vex and Percy, half confused and half wanting.

Vex leans in close to Percy's ear. "Do you see how he's staring at us?" she says quietly.

"Oh, I do," Percy says. "He looks famished."

"Poor thing," Vex says. "Someone should take pity on him."

"Never," Percy says, and she laughs, kissing his temple.

"Alright, alright, enough," Tary says, looking more tired than annoyed. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing-"

"It is a game, darling," Vex says, running a finger up his arm, "but that doesn't mean you're not going to win."

Tary says nothing, looking between the two of them like he's doing very quick calculations in his head yet coming up blank.

"Tell me, was getting ambushed for a threesome by your fellow adventurers on your list?" Percy asks.

Tary licks his lips before he speaks. "I'm still entertaining additions," he says, and Vex knows they've caught him.

"Come to our room and you can check it off," Vex says. She stands, giving Percy a hand up before walking out, Percy on her heels.

Percy leans over, pecking Vex on the cheek as they walk. "That went even better than I imagined," he says. Before she can speak, Vex hears the metallic thudding of Doty walking behind them, and she grins at Percy. 

They make their way to the room they've claimed, and Tary is not far behind them. Vex has gotten so used to Doty's presence that it doesn't occur to her to protest his following Tary until they're both already in the room.

"Doty, take this down," Tary says, and Doty flips the book open.

"No," Percy says.

"Nope," Vex says, when Tary starts to protest. "Doty can stay, but absolutely no recording of this event."

"It's common courtesy," Percy says.

"Doty, turn around and pause," Tary says reluctantly. "I'll fill you in later," he says quietly, as the automaton comes to rest.

"Come here," Vex says, sitting down on the bed and patting the mattress beside her. Tary looks at both of them like he really has no idea what he's doing, but he sits down. "Have you ever done this before?" she asks.

Tary laughs nervously. "Not even close."

"Have you ever had sex?" she tries.

Vex sees the point where he almost lies, but he stops himself, shaking his head. "Not with another person."

"Then we're going to take very good care of you," she tells him.

"We'll be ever so kind," Percy says, kissing his neck.

Tary pushes him away, gently but firmly. "Why are you doing this?"

"Do you want an honest answer?" Percy asks. 

"I'd appreciate it," Tary says, sounding a little annoyed. 

"It sounded like fun, and it seemed like you could use it," Percy says, which to his credit is not a lie. "We don't make things easy for ourselves or other people, and a little fun goes a long way."

"If you don't want this, it ends here," Vex says. 

"Oh, I want it," Tary says.

"Then I suggest you lie back and stop thinking so hard," she says, guiding him back onto the mattress. 

"We'll take care of every little thing," Percy says. He untucks Tary's shirt, pushing it up so that Vex can pull it off. Tary doesn't seem to even notice, so focused he is on Percy, who's now kissing down his stomach. He reaches Tary's waistband, quickly undoing his laces and pulling down his breeches, kneeling on the floor and taking Tary's shoes off so he can pull them off his feet.

Through the fabric of his underclothes, Vex can see the outline of Tary's hard cock quite clearly, and he has nothing to be ashamed of. He could be quite something if he learned how to use it properly, and Vex wonders if that's in the cards, whether this will happen often enough to get worn in. She cups him through the fabric, and he makes a desperate noise.

Vex laughs softly. "Relax, darling," she says, kissing him. "We've got plenty in store for you." She nips his earlobe. "You'll have a grand adventure, free of charge."

Percy folds Tary's breeches and sets them aside, reaching next for his underclothes. He pulls them down, letting them drop to the floor before he leans in and licks the head of Tary's cock. Tary moans so loudly that Vex puts a hand over his mouth.

"Careful," she says. "There's a boatload of people who might hear you."

"Literally," Percy says. He looks up at Tary as he takes his cock into his mouth, letting it slide smoothly between his lips for a few inches before he starts to suck.

Vex has never seen Percy like this, focusing all his diabolical energy on another man's cock, and she can't seem to take her eyes off it. It's so fucking hot, his precise, calculated movements, the way they make Tary claw at the bedsheets.

Vex moves behind Tary, propping him up on her chest as Percy works, moving his head up and down, pulling off to run his tongue up Tary's length before taking him down again. She puts her hands over Tary's, guiding one of them to Percy's hair.

"Don't push," she says, "but he doesn't mind if you pull. In fact, I think he likes it."

"Guilty as charged," Percy says, before taking Tary into his mouth again, almost the whole way this time. It surprises Tary, and he fists his hand in Percy's hair in reaction; Percy makes a pleased noise, his cheeks hollowing as he sucks.

"I'm not going to last," Tary says, between heaving breaths, and Vex kisses his temple.

"No one thought you would," she says. "You're new, and Percival is so very good with his mouth. Just go at your own pace."

"Oh gods," Tary says, letting his head tip back onto Vex's shoulder. She takes it as an opportunity to explore him, sucking on an inviting spot on his neck while she runs a hand over his chest. He has no muscles to speak of, a gently curved stomach, and Vex enjoys the contrast to her wiry, toned Percy. She pinches his nipple lightly, and Tary jumps, wonderfully responsive.

"The things I could do to you, darling," she murmurs into his ear, before biting down on his neck.

He's getting closer, and Percy is showing his usual lack of mercy, giving him everything he's got. Tary makes a noise like he's been wounded, arching up out of Vex's grip, and Percy puts a hand on his hip, holding him in place as he comes.

Tary collapses back onto Vex, and she kisses him, calming, slow kisses. Percy rises from the floor, sitting on the other side of Tary. He leans over Tary to kiss Vex, and Vex is caught off guard when Percy pushes Tary's come into her mouth; it's both disgusting and incredibly hot, Percy sharing that victory with her, how they've undone him.

She lets Tary have another moment to collect himself before she speaks again. "So, what next?"

"Next?" Tary says, looking hopeful.

"I hope you don't think we're such bad hosts that that would be all," Percy says.

"What do you want?" Vex asks. "What makes your little heart race when you think about it?"

"Everything," Tary says, and Vex doesn't doubt his sincerity.

"Well, you have to pick one place to start," she says.

"Can I lick you?" he asks hesitantly; it sends a flash of desire through her.

"Absolutely, dear," she says. She hastens to undress, letting her clothes fall haphazardly onto the floor; Tary spends that time kissing Percy, who seems determined to keep him in the moment during this pause. They break apart at a very fake cough from Vex, who's lying on the bed, head on the pillow.

"Why don't I give you a bit of a demonstration?" Percy says. "It's not terribly difficult, but it has a learning curve."

"By all means," Tary says; he still looks a little dazed, but it's a good look on him.

Percy puts his hands on Vex's thighs, encouraging her to bend her knees and plant her feet on the bed. "Let me introduce you to my very good friend, the clitoris."

"I've seen drawings," Tary says, sounding slightly offended.

"I know exactly the drawings you've seen, and you must believe me when I say they didn't prepare you," Percy says. 

"I'm trusting your judgment," Tary says.

"A dangerous occupation, but better in this instance," Percy says. He gets between Vex's legs, Tary over his shoulder. "Watch my tongue."

Vex sighs when Percy runs his tongue up the side of her clit; it took Percy no time at all to learn her, and he uses it to great effect. He flicks his tongue over her clit, and Vex takes one of her breasts into her hand, toying with her nipple while Percy licks her.

She makes a soft noise of disappointment as Percy pulls away, even though she knows what's coming. "Give it a try," Percy tells Tary. "Do just as I showed you, and it'll be a good start."

"I can do this," Tary says, and Vex can't decide who he's trying to convince. Either way, he trades places with Percy, getting into position between Vex's legs. He looks at her, and he looks a little scared; Vex runs a hand through his hair, and he melts slightly. She cups the back of his head, guiding it down to her cunt.

Tary is not as bad at this as Vex thought he might be. He's no Percy, but he's good at following instructions, tracing Percy's steps.

"Harder than that," Vex says. "Use the flat of your tongue." Her coaching pays off; Tary is a quick study, and Vex just enjoys it. There's an eagerness to him that Vex likes, a need to explore, a need to prove himself. There's something to be said for that in bed, a desire to please, and Vex is happy to reap the benefits of it.

"You're doing very well," Percy says, and Vex looks down at the two of them. Percy looks attractively mussed, but Tary already looks like a wreck. His hair is falling down around his face, and Percy tucks it behind his ear, running his finger along the shell of it as he goes. Tary's face is wet, and he's not stopping, sucking her clit into his mouth, doing his best. It occurs to Vex that no one has ever seen him like this, that this is an event no one will get to share in except her and Percy. She was a little taken aback at Percy's talk of corrupting the innocent, but it's tantalizing, the idea that she has something he can't take back, something she can hoard greedily.

Vex is trying to be less greedy, but she never promised she could do it in bed.

Percy looks at her questioningly, and Vex knows what he's trying to ask. She responds with a shrug; this is good, but it's not going to be enough to bring her off. Percy nods back to her, message received. He runs his fingers through Tary's hair, and Tary stops for a moment, breathing hard.

"No, no, keep going if you enjoy it," Percy says. "Let me help out a little."

"This is really tiring," Tary says, though he gets back to work, and Vex laughs.

"You'll get used to it," Percy says; Vex is not opposed to letting him practice. 

Percy puts a hand underneath Tary's face, sliding two fingers into Vex's cunt, and Vex tilts her hips up, wanting more. He adds a third before he starts rocking them in and out. This is what Vex needed, something to fill her, and Percy's deft fingers are just the thing. He hooks them inside her, looking for just the right spot, and Vex moans when he finds it. This is exactly what she wants, two people lavishing attention on her, and she feels herself reaching the edge. Another finger presses inside of her, and the unexpected stretch of it sends her over, fisting her hand in the sheets as she clenches around Percy's fingers.

At least, that's what she thinks is happening, but she looks down when Tary takes his mouth away from her clit; he has one of his fingers in with Percy's, and he's looking at it like his mind is blown. Vex feels another pulse at that, the way he's looking at her like a new thing, awe-inspiring. It's sweet when he does it, but she also feels the power in it, of making him look like that.

Percy withdraws his fingers, and Tary lets himself be led, sitting back on his heels and looking at Vex. He looks sort of dazed, and Vex is gratified to see that his cock is back at attention. Vex sits up, kissing Percy and Tary both in turn. "Well done, both of you," she says.

"We aim to please," Percy says.

"But what should we do about this?" Vex asks, taking Tary's cock in her hand and stroking it slowly.

"There are so many options," Percy says, "but perhaps we should ask the man of the hour."

Tary looks slightly panicked when they both look at him. "It's okay if you just pick," he says. "Don't mind me."

Vex tsks at him. "Boys who don't ask for what they want don't get what they want."

"She's not kidding," Percy says. "She pulled that on me too."

Tary looks torn, lost, and Vex almost takes pity on him. Before she can, he finally speaks up. "I want Percy to fuck me," he says; some of the fright has gone out of him, leaving hunger in its wake.

"That is absolutely on offer," Percy says. "Wait here for a moment." He goes into his pack, rummaging around, and comes up with a small bottle of oil. "Before you ask, this is not my gun oil."

"Why are you carrying oil, if not for your gun?" Vex asks.

Percy and Tary both look at her strangely. "Are you not?" Percy says.

"How do you condition your leather?" Tary asks.

Vex sighs; this is what she's chosen to align herself with. "I'll take that, thank you," she says, plucking the bottle out of Percy's hand. "You're heavily overdressed."

As Percy starts to undress, Vex takes the opportunity to climb on top of Tary, kissing him for a moment before pulling away. It's his turn to be on his back with his knees bent, and Vex kneels between them. She pours some of the oil onto her fingers, and Tary watches as she does it, looking at her with open want on his face.

"Do you touch yourself here?" Vex asks, brushing her finger over his hole.

"Yes," Tary says; his face is burning, and Vex kisses the inside of his knee, almost apologetic but not quite.

"Do you do it a lot?" she asks.

"Yes," he says, letting out a little moan as she slides her finger inside of him.

"Is it, like, your favorite thing?" she asks.

"Yes," he gasps, and Vex laughs softly, fond instead of mocking.

"Then this will be very fun," she says. She pulls her finger out, adding more oil before she comes back with two. She doesn't think he's lying about liking it so much; he's gasping and squirming, but there's no sign of pain, no indication that this is unfamiliar territory. It intrigues her, the image of him with his fingers up his own ass, working them inside while he strokes his cock. That's something she just might want to see for herself, though not tonight. She has other plans for him, and they don't involve him being alone.

Tary doesn't show any signs of discomfort until she pushes a third finger inside of him. Vex takes her time, opening him slowly, and it passes, leaving him pushing back against her. 

"Are you ready for me to tag Percy in?" Vex asks; Percy himself is watching the proceedings with great interest, stroking his cock as he does it, and he looks more than ready to go.

Tary gets this look like he's psyching himself up, then sighs resolutely. "Let's do it."

Percy puts out his hand, and Vex slaps it with her clean one; between the two of them, they get Tary into position, on his hands and knees with Vex in front of him and Percy behind. Vex kisses him, distracting him as Percy oils up his cock.

"We'll go very slowly," Percy says. "I want you to stop me if you can't take it."

"I can take it," Tary says, attempting bravado even when he's desperate with want.

"This isn't a test," Vex says, kissing him. "You've done so well. Don't be a dick now."

"I'm really ready," Tary says, a bit annoyed. "Let's do this."

"Remember to breathe, and try not to tense up," Percy says, lining himself up at Tary's entrance. He pushes in slowly, just a little bit at a time, and Vex just stares, transfixed. Percy looks so good like this, biting his lip as he sinks inside, and Tary is a close second, his head thrown back as he takes Percy's cock. He was so innocent when this started, virginal, and now he's wrecked, all messed up just because Percy and Vex wanted to see him that way. She knows Percy's thinking about it, about how he's the first person who's ever done this to him; she thought he was kind of weird for finding it hot at the beginning of all this, but she sees the appeal now.

Percy finally bottoms out, and he runs his hands up Tary's spine, a gentle touch. Tary's cock has softened slightly, and Vex takes it in her hand, coaxing it back to full hardness, which doesn't require much effort.

"How are you, darling?" she asks Tary, who only moans in response. She chuckles, kissing his temple. "I think he's good to go."

"I hope so," Percy says, "because so am I."

Percy's movements are slow, controlled; there's a look of concentration on his face as he starts to thrust. Tary lets his head hang, letting Percy have him, and Vex runs her fingers through his hair, his face resting between her breasts.

"Fuck," Tary says shakily, as Percy starts to pick up speed.

"Good or bad?" Vex asks.

" _So_ good," Tary says.

"Exactly what you wanted?" Vex says.

"Better," Tary says. He leaves off talking so that he can mouth at Vex's breasts, which he seems to have just realized are right in front of him. Vex has no interest in stopping him, especially when he catches one of her nipples, his teeth scraping over it for a moment before he sucks.

Percy is starting to lose his composure, but Vex is certain no one cares. Tary's body rocks as Percy fucks him, Percy's hands on his hips to keep him moving. Vex can't watch this without some relief; she puts her clean hand between her legs, pushing her fingers inside herself, the other hand fisted in Tary's hair. Of all the things, this is what he seems to object to. He shakes his head, and Vex lets him go immediately.

"Sorry, dear," she says, running her hand over his hair.

"It's not-" Tary says, breaking off when Percy pushes into him a little harder. "I just wanted to put my mouth on you, and you wouldn't let me go so I could say so."

"I will very happily let you," Vex says, maneuvering so that she can push him down, his face against her cunt; he's still moving as Percy fucks him, but it doesn't stop him from licking her. He's not as coordinated as he was at the beginning, but she's finding it hard to care. She's so riled up from watching the two of them that she's barely hanging on to start with.

Percy is really fucking him now, his fingers digging into Tary's skin; he looks so serious, so intent that it kind of makes Vex want to laugh. She knows that face, knows how close he is to coming, but she also knows that he likes that, likes hanging on the edge, denying himself until the need is unbearable. He's determined to hold out until Tary comes, and Vex knows he can do it.

Vex is not going to make it that long, and she doesn't. Percy looks up suddenly, catching her eye, and the heat in it makes her melt, sends a jolt of desire straight to the core of her; couple that with a particularly inspired use of Tary's tongue, and she crumbles, throwing her head back as it shakes through her.

She's out of commission for a good long moment, long enough that Percy has time to pull Tary back into his lap, fucking up into him as he bites Tary's shoulder. Vex gets it back together enough to wrap her hand around Tary's cock, stroking him quickly.

"That's it," Vex says. "You're doing so well, just let go for us." She bends down, taking his cock into her mouth, and he's done for, coming almost immediately. Percy groans, pulling Tary down hard, and Vex knows he's coming, finally spending himself into Tary.

Vex is the one who gets it together the soonest, which is not a surprise. She slips unobtrusively away, finding a cloth before climbing back in bed and handing it to Percy. Percy takes it, waiting another few moments before he gently pushes Tary away, into Vex's arms. Vex holds him, kissing him sweetly as Percy cleans up.

"How was that?" she asks, curling a lock of Tary's hair around her finger.

"That was definitely the best adventure I've had so far," Tary says.

"Don't put it in your book," Percy says, tossing the cloth onto the floor.

"Without clearly describing how devastatingly attractive we are," Vex adds.

"I'm not sure my target audience would appreciate a chapter like this one," Tary says. "I am going to give this to my father, after all."

"That is a very good point," Percy says. He yawns. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like, but I'm going to take a nap."

"You're so stereotypical," Vex says, without much heat.

"A nap doesn't sound like a half bad idea," Tary says.

"I suppose I've been outvoted," Vex says. She pulls both of them to her. "But if we must, we must."

\--

Several hours later, Tary creeps out of Percy and Vex's room, making his way quietly to his own.

"Doty, take this down," Tary says softly, and Doty opens the book. "Neither man nor woman could resist my charms. News of my conquests had spread far and wide, and it was only a matter of time before certain members of the travelling band approached me. I gave them a night they wouldn't soon forget, and I knew it wouldn't be long before they came back, wanting more. I was only one man, but I was more than qualified for the challenge."

Doty finishes writing, waiting for instruction, and Tary thinks about it for a long moment.

"Tear out that page and give it to me," he says. Doty obediently rips the page out, and Tary folds it up, slipping it into his pocket.

He'll save it for the unabridged version.


End file.
